A Mary Sue Profile
by Apple Snapple
Summary: One day, a mysterious girl sends in a note...which of course leads to utter chaos and disgust. Well, maybe not that much chaos. Everyone agrees that Mary Sues are horrible. Even Fuji. Oneshot. A bit of crack.


**-gulps- I'm probably going to get a lot of hate mail for this...but we need more of these. Seriously. And I thought that a profile would've been the best way to describe a Mary Sue, since most of the Suethors around here are pretty inexperienced. **

**So...it's kind of like I'm dedicating this to all the Suethors around here, eh? xD**

* * *

Mukahi had a confused look on his face. "What is this?" 

Oshitari peered at the paper. "Hm..."

The contents of the paper? This:

_"Hi everyone! I decided to send you guys a profile about me because...well...since I'm marrying your friend you kind of need to know about me, ne?"_

Kirihara twitched. "She's marrying our friend? But we're only in middle school!"

Name: Oshima Yukihime

Age: 14

Race: Half Japanese, half Chinese

Languages: I can speak Italian, French, Chinese, Japanese, and Korean!

Mukahi scratched his head. "Why does she need to know five languages? Is she a translator?"

Hair Color: Mainly brown, but it changes color naturally according to the weekday. Monday, it's light purple. Tuesday, it's a light blue. Wednesday, it's brown. Thursday, it's green. Friday, it's pink. Saturday, it's a VERY light brown. Then, on Sunday, it's a rainbow color! Isn't it awesome?!

Kirihara twitched again. "Is naturally changing hair color even possible?"

Eye Color: Mainly black, but it changes to a goldish brown whenever I'm playing tennis.

Shishido just stared.

"Mada mada dane," Echizen mumbled.

Tennis Stuff: I've played in the Japanese Open, the Australian Open, the French Open, and the U.S. Open. Oh, and I've won in the Chinese nationals. Aren't I awesome? And I beat Ryoma-chan in a match! Take that! And I've beat Tezuka cause I'm better than him! You know, the show should just become the 'Princess of Tennis' or whatever, don't you think?

Atobe visibly twitched. "Ore-sama is better than her! How did she beat Tezuka, let alone Echizen? THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE! ORE-SAMA IS KING!!"

Relations: I'm Ryoma-chan's half-sister. Aren't I just awesome that way? But I suppose that's the reason why I'm not marrying him...

Inui was busily reading through his data. "My data is never wrong! Echizen doesn't have any siblings! He just has a adopted brother!"

Past: My mother died when I was seven. Yes, it's sad, isn't it? And so my dad had to take care of me, but he's a horrible parent because he gets drunk all the time and beats me up. So, I have to run away. That's the only reason I came to Japan, you see, to get away from him. But he miraculously found me and tried to murder me, and he almost did! Then Syu-chan thought I was dead for a while and cried alot, but then I came back! And so we're getting married!

"Wait, who's 'Syu-chan'?" Mukahi asked.

"I think she's talking about Fuji..."

Oh, and did I mention that I'm Syu-chan's childhood friend? Yeah, well I am! So I'm marrying him! Isn't it awesome?

"..."

I also was tied up by rabid fangirls. They were jealous because of my stunning good looks and my relationship with Syu-chan. Isn't it horrible? 

"..."

Oh, and when I first entered Seigaku, I was admitted into the boy's team! All because I had perfect tennis skills. But oh well!

There's one other thing I'd like to mention...

I'M PERFECT! I'M SO STUNNINGLY PERFECT THAT ALL THE BOYS FALL HEAD OVER HEELS FOR ME! So if you hate me, you are most definitely lying. I mean, who wouldn't fall for me? And my angsty past with my father! How can you not be attracted to that? I'm completely absolutely 100 percent perfect. Even if no one's perfect, I AM. I ranked number one in ALL of my classes, I play piano, violin, guitar, oboe, clarinet, and flute! And, I'm secretly a famous rock star! So therefore, I'm 100 percent perfect!

And so, that's the whole reason why I'm marrying Syu-chan. Although Mitsu-kun wanted to marry me. So did that captain from Rikkaidai...but whatever!

Kirihara was mentally crying to himself. His Mura-buchou? Marry a...a...a MONSTER like her?!

Oh, here's some more information from me!

Weight: 39 kg. Yes, I'm light, but I'm not anorexic. I'm at the border, which is perfectly fine. That's what makes me so stunningly beautiful.

Height: 5 feet 5 inches.

I'm perfect. So that means my lips are perfect, my body's perfect, my hips are perfect, etc. etc. I'm just perfect that way.

Well, I guess that's all for now. See you at the wedding!

Yours Truly,

Oshima Yukihime

P.S. I'M PERFECT!

Mukahi ripped up the piece of paper and threw it in the trash can. "Why the hell is she marrying that Fuji guy anyway? I mean, how does he like a monster like her?!"

Kirihara was glaring at the ripped up bits in the trash can.

Oshitari just picked up his book and began reading.

Inui was flipping through his notebook.

Just then Fuji came into the room. Actually, it was more like he stomped into the room. "Oshima-san is at the top of my deathlist."

Shishido stared. "Weren't you going to marry her?"

Fuji glared at him. "I am most definitely not marrying a monster like her. She's at the top of my deathlist."

Mizuki popped into the room. "You have a deathlist?" he asked.

"..."

* * *

"Aniki! Stop kicking him!" Yuuta said. "You're going to kill him if you keep that up!" 

"...Mizuki's not even on the top of his deathlist..." Shishido said.

"I wonder what happens to that Oshima kid..." Mukahi shuddered at the thought.

Guess what? She's most definitely going to die. Most definitely.

* * *

**XDD Okay, believe it or not, it was VERY hard to make that girl a Mary Sue. -shudders- I was running out of ideas for her hair color...**

**Nurf xD So guys, the PoT characters would most definitely hate it if you made a Mary Sue. Seriously.**

**Well...this was different xD. Now...to make my uke pair fic...**


End file.
